I have a friend who recently met someone interesting for the first time since her divorce. It’s relatively new and she wondered out loud what it would be like if she ever had to fess up to her teenage kids down the road. I had to weigh in.
I mentioned to her that her daughter would probably be fine. But her son may be a different story. Sons don’t picture their moms as women. Moms are moms. That’s it. And the thought of mom dating… well, that doesn’t really compute and may send shivers down a son’s spine. She thought I was kidding and didn’t believe me. That made me share my own experience.
My father passed away about six years ago. My mom has a few widowed friends who eventually found companionship in another relationship. It occurred to me that one day I might be faced with this exact same scenario. Yikes. I couldn’t imagine my mom dating. After all, mom is mom. After I explained that even in my fifties I felt a similar apprehension, she was surprised but seemed to get it. I wonder if I’m like most men or if this a me thing. Chime in fellas and let me know what you think. I’d be very curious what others have to say.
To be fair, I’ve also realized I should just get over it. Companionship is a good thing at any stage of life. If by chance she ever breaks the news, I’ll suck it up and be truly happy for her. In the meantime, mom is mom for now.
Tracy Bonham released Mother Mother in 1991. I always thought it was an angry song. Turns out, I was wrong (yet again).
In “Mother Mother,” Tracy Bonham has flown the nest but her mom keeps checking in to see how she’s doing, asking if she’s staying out of trouble. Tracy tells her what she wants to hear: all is well. But it’s really not.
This song is often misunderstood as Bonham being angry with or tormented by her mother, but that’s not the case. She loves her mom and appreciated her concern, but also didn’t want her to worry, which is why she kept her anguish bottled up.
Maybe there is a little role reversal on this one. I do call to check up on my mom and I have a sense she wouldn’t say anything to cause any worry. All is well? I’m pretty sure, yes. I should probably turn up my spidey senses a few notches just to be sure. I don’t want my mom just telling me what I want to hear. Making a mental note to myself right now.
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Mother, mother, how's the family?
I'm just calling to say hello
How's the weather? How's my father?
Am I lonely? Heavens know
Mother, mother, are you listening?
Just a phone call to ease your mind
Life is perfect, never better
Distance making the heart grow fond
When you sent me off to see the world
Were you scared that I might get hurt?
Would I try a little tobacco?
Would I keep on hiking up my skirt?
I'm hungry, I'm dirty
I'm losing my mind, everything's fine
I'm freezing, I'm starving
I'm bleeding to death, everything's fine
Yeah, I'm working, making money
I'm just starting to build a name
I can feel it, around the corner
I could make it any day
Mother, mother, can you hear me?
Sure I'm sober, sure I'm sane
Life is perfect, never better
Still your daughter, still the same
If I tell you what you want to hear
Will it help you to sleep well at night?
Are you sure that I'm your perfect dear?
Now just cuddle up and sleep tight
I'm hungry, I'm dirty
I'm losing my mind, everything's fine
I'm freezing, I'm starving
I'm bleeding to death, everything's fine
I miss you, I love you
Okay I’m not a man but I’m chiming in as a divorced woman., just with a funny story….a few months after Clint and I started seeing each other, we knew as two divorced nearly 40 year olds this was going to be something serious and so we decided to take it to the next level and introduce him to the kids (I had kept my personal life completely compartmentalized from my kids up to that point), the day he came over for a coffee to meet the kids, my son Taz placed himself in the living room with his barbells and proceeded to bicep curl while Clint was over. We still laugh about it today, how little 10 year old Taz was trying to exert his dominance in front of this new alpha male who had entered the picture….adorable.
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That is such a good story! Thanks for sharing!
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That’s a powerful song. Thanks for the insight. I think “keeping up a brave face for mom” is a very relatable dilemma.
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Yeah, I understand. Moms will always worry about their kids no matter what age
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One of my fav songs growing up!
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Yes, companionship is a good thing at any stage of life. My answer is going to be bold…your mom deserves to be happy, she deserves to have a partner with same interests, she deserves to have sex at 80, 90, or even a 100 years old. So, let her live her best life.
We don’t understand what our parents go through (feelings, emotions, and BS) until we go through the same BS. Voilà!
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I had to cover my ears mid-read! I can’t unread that! Lol
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Ooops! 😅😂🫣
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I would say it goes the same way when soneone dies too. My Mom passed and my Dad started dating pretty much immediately there after and was remarried a year later. I was extremely close to my Mom and grieved a lot longer , I would come to realize everyone grieves differently but I had a hard accepting my Dad’s wife at 33 (could never stoop to calling her Step Mom). My wife has a relationship with her but when my Dad passed I cut ties.
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Yeah, that sounds tough. That must be difficult.
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It was, now with my Dad also gone I cut ties with his widow. I’m fine now.
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