I attended my nephew’s high school graduation yesterday. I was looking at the list of names in the program and it went on for a couple of pages. His graduating class was about 550 kids. Announcing each kid’s name as they received their diploma might take a minute.
The kids at his school are pretty diverse. This is Southern California, probably more of a melting pot than other regions in the US. Some of the names looked tricky, but there weren’t many slip ups. I remember attending a graduation ceremony once where some of the names were completely butchered that you could hear the audience’s audible gasps. Thankfully nothing to report from yesterday’s roll call.
I will say, there was one name that got a bit of a chuckle. When the woman announced Charlie Brown, I think the crowd was taken by surprise. I wondered what his parents were thinking when they decided on that. I guess he could always go by Charles or Chuck if he wanted to, but if I had to choose between the three, I think I’d also go with Charlie. I suppose he’s used to the reactions by now. Or do you really ever get used to it?
It reminded me of a high school classmate named Robert Roberts. He went by Robby, so it didn’t sound totally duplicative. I’m guessing now as an adult, he probably goes by Rob. That’s a little easier to navigate than Charlie Brown.
My mother had a friend that would take half of a name from one relative and half of name from another relative and squish them together to come up with her kids’ names. Creative, yes. Daring, a little bit. I don’t remember the names, but I do remember thinking they had a decent ring to them. Still, it sounds like a roll of the dice to me. You never know how it will turn out down the road. There’s only a one letter difference between an Ahhhhh and an Ehhhhh. That’s to close for comfort in my book.
It made me think that kids are totally at the mercy of their parents. Names. You get what you get, probably not giving it a second thought until you reach grade school and a snot nose kid gives you a hard time. I do think unique names can be cool, but they can also backfire as well. Not everybody is as clever as they think they are. I hope parents keep this in mind when they’re holding their little bundles of joy. It’s no bed of roses being teased on the playground.
So, I’m back to songs about names. I’m going to pull a classic from the Police. Roxanne was released in 1978 and probably has one of the most recognizable intros. I learned there’s a funny story about that.
The intro to the song contains one of the great happy accidents in rock history. There was an upright piano in the studio, which Sting sat on thinking the lid was closed. Tape was rolling for his vocal, so the sound of his butt hitting the piano and his subsequent laughter were recorded. These sounds were mixed into the intro, providing a unique texture.
It’s pretty slim odds that an inadvertent butt-slip hits the right keys at the right moment to make just the right sound to blend into a hit song. You can clank around all day without discovering that perfect, cool and unique sound. I’m guessing it’s the same with throwing unique names at a wall to see what sticks. When you’re swimming in a sea of bad choices, an idea may come along that begins to sound promising. The unfortunate thing is, it only sounds good in comparison to the pool of butt-clanky rejects and by itself, it doesn’t stand on its own two feet. I hope parents realize this before they drop a doozie on their child’s birth certificate. A pause to think long and hard before writing a so-called clever name in permanent ink may make all the difference. Believe me, your child will thank you later for it.
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Roxanne
You don't have to put on the red light
Those days are over
You don't have to sell your body to the night
Roxanne
You don't have to wear that dress tonight
Walk the streets for money
You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right
Roxanne
You don't have to put on the red light
Roxanne
You don't have to put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
Oh
I loved you since I knew ya
I wouldn't talk down to ya
I have to tell you just how I feel
I won't share you with another boy
I know my mind is made up
So put away your make-up
Told you once, I won't tell you again it's a bad way
Roxanne
You don't have to put on the red light
Roxanne
You don't have to put on the red light
You don't (Roxanne) have to put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
You don't (Roxanne) have to put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
You don't (Roxanne) have to put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
(Roxanne) Put on the red light
Yes, I agree 💯! As a former teacher, I had to pronounce some doozies. I also saw first hand the repercussions of having an awkward name. Why put your kid through that?
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I feel bad for the kids with the awkward names!
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Great read! But if people stopped with the stupid names what would the rest of do for laughs? I went to school with a guy named Marshall Sheriff – I’m sure his folks though that was clever – I just thought of a rabbit hole to dive down – stupid, er, clever names from days gone by – I bet they were doing that from the beginning of time.
A few of my grandparents, Italian immigrants, did some schooling in the USA, and they had to adopt, for school purposes, Anglo names. My grandparents then gave all of their children Italian names and once again, the names had to be Anglicized for the benefit of the poor teachers who couldn’t be expected to deal with foreign names. Hah! By the second generation the lesson was learned – anglo names for all but the bravest.
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Marshall Sheriff… that poor fellow. It’s amazing when people can’t see the obvious. I’m sure he got picked on when he was younger. Not clever at all….
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550 kids?! Holy moly!
I’m guilty of the half a name and half a name put together thing, my son Taz’s middle name is Garridon, his grampas are Garry and Don 😬
But I think Tazman Garridon Higgins rolls off the tongue not too badly.
LOVE this song!! It’s right up there with Layla by Eric Clapton 😍
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It does roll off nicely!
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I enjoyed your anecdote about names…but I was really surprised to read about the intro to “Roxanne.” I’ve listened to it a million times over the years and never knew about the butt-clank thing. I recalled the laugh, but just thought it was engineered to accentuate the intro. So, instead of, “I made you look!” it was more like, “I made you listen!” I pulled up the track from YouTube and yep, sure enough, there was the “clunk.” Thank you! I just love learning new stuff like that!
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The intro was a fun fact. I never really noticed the laugh until now. One of the coolest outcomes of this blog for me is learning these tidbits. I loved reading about this!
Roxanne was the first Police song that really grabbed me. I never get tired of it!
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It’s definitely a classic!
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Haha…Another Charlie Brown! How fun!
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Another well-written, interesting post… well done! 😎👏 Never knew about the butt-clank thing so of course I also listened and heard it. Love little tidbits like that!
Re kids names: 💯 These doorknob rents may think they’re the funniest/cleverest people around but as you say, it’s the kids who suffer. My brother had a Prof… legit… Dr Richard Head. D’oH! Idk how I’d be able to ask for help during office hours and keep a straight face 😂
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My Jr High Principal had a similarly unfortunate name and was not well liked, so you can imagine. 🙂
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While I shake my head in disbelief, you gotta love it at the same time. What the hell? Richard Head?! That’s cruel and unusual punishment….
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As a teacher, one of the things I take pride in is my ability to pronounce names right.
No I don’t get them all right the first time, but kids recognize that I do pretty good.
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That’s pretty cool of you. I’m sure your students appreciate it. It may seem like a little thing, but from the kids point of view, it may be kind of a big deal.
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Most of the kids I knew who had a hard time with teasing, got there by way of surname. For instance I was born with the name McClung, then my mother married a man named Pitcock, then I was back to McClung, until finally she married a Martinez and I was free. 😀
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Sounds like a bit of a road to freedom. Glad you made it!
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People can be so cruel. And, misogynistic cruelty and privilege forms the basis of this song.
This is a powerful post; your linkages of memory to the song are very potent in shining a bright light on the way our society “others” those different from us, caring so little as to not even bother to learn how to say their names. Thank you.
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Thanks for your comments, Steve. It may not be easy going through life with a different or unique name, especially as a kid. I imagine under difficult circumstances, it could be a little scaring.
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My pleasure, and I agree.
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say my name, say my name … 🙂
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I have an unusual name and it’s fun to watch people struggling with it 🤭
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