I saw this photo and laughed. But in reality, the more I thought about it, the more I realized this is how I was feeling when I woke up this morning.
It’s never fun staring down a big gaping hole knowing that I need to somehow propel my out of shape ass over to the other side. It’s one of those moments where I stand at the edge and peer down to see how far the bottom really is. The problem is, there is only darkness staring back without a circus net ready to catch my fall.
Then tired of looking at the blackness that never screams bottom, I begin backing up, counting my steps, wondering if that’s enough runway to build up enough speed to fling myself to the other side. I do one of those one, two, three counts as I rock back and forth, hoping at the three mark I’ll have enough adrenaline to begin that sprint forward. The pathway is littered with pebbles to avoid, one false trip could send me headlong into the air, arms outstretched, perfectly parallel to the ground. And as I Superman fly through the air, my momentum only takes me so far and just like in the Wile E Coyote cartoons I come to a complete stop mid air, cartoonishly holding that position for three seconds, before falling straight down, only leaving a dust cloud in my wake.
That’s what was going through my mind when I woke up this morning. It was still dark and not yet time to face this semi-reality that a cup of coffee could never cure. I turned over, put my blanket over my head and went back to sleep. Sleep, the perfect salve for this temporary feeling of insanity. Sometimes fifteen more minutes of shut eye is just what the doctor ordered. The black hole would just have to wait.
Soundgarden released Black Hole Sun in 1994. Chris Cornell wrote the song in his head on a 35 drive back from the recording studio.
Cornell reflected on the song’s lyrical content. . . “What’s interesting to me is the combination of a black hole and a sun,” he said. “A black hole is a billion times larger than a sun, it’s a void, a giant circle of nothing, and then you have the sun, the giver of all life. It was this combination of bright and dark, this sense of hope and underlying moodiness.”
Black holes sound big and scary. But Cornell is on to something here. The sun, the giver of life, is always there. You just need to keep an eye out for her and know she will appear, somehow, someway. Armed with this understanding makes that big black hole less overwhelming and scary.
When I woke up and rolled over that second time, the morning sun was coming up. Remnants of the black hole still lingered and still scared the shit out of me, but it was easier to face with daylight’s warmth of the sun. I rolled out of bed, wiped the sleep from my eyes and took a deep breath. Here we go.
Black hole sun
Won’t you come
And wash away the rain?
Black hole sun
Won’t you come
Won’t you come
–
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In my eyes, indisposed
In disguises no one knows
Hides the face, lies the snake
In the sun, in my disgrace
Boiling heat, summer stench
'Neath the black the sky looks dead
Call my name through the cream
And I'll hear you scream again
Black hole sun
Won't you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won't you come
Won't you come (won't you come)
Stuttering, cold and damp
Steal the warm wind, tired friend
Times are gone for honest men
And sometimes far too long for snakes
In my shoes, a walking sleep
And my youth, I pray to keep
Heaven sent hell away
No one sings like you anymore
Black hole sun
Won't you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won't you come
Won't you come
Black hole sun
Won't you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won't you come
Won't you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won't you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won't you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won't you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Hang my head, drown my fear
'Til you all just disappear
Black hole sun
Won't you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won't you come
Won't you come
Black hole sun
Won't you come
And wash away the rain
Black hole sun
Won't you come
Won't you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won't you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won't you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won't you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won't you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won't you come (black hole sun, black hole sun)
Won't you come
Won't you come
I effing love this song. That album is a freaking classic!!!
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This song is so good…
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There aren’t many weak tracks on that whole album.
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Can’t say I LOVE the song or ever did but it’s one of those songs that plays on repeat in your head, as soon as I read the title of your post, on cue, it started up in my head.
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It’s an ear worm… lol
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And going back to sleep is the perfect solution sometimes, I agree.
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Yes!
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I have been where you are so many times! Fighting my way out of the black hole towards the light. There is always hope waiting on the other side, and I’ve discovered that the light consistently finds a way through the darkness.
I remember that song well! It is heavy and haunting. Just listening to it can make me feel depressed, even though its message is hopeful. Good choice for today’s post.
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It is pretty heavy and haunting. Those descriptors fit perfectly.
You always have your strong faith to lead out of darkness.
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Love the way you wrote this, making me nod my head in agreement and perplexity at the way many many mornings feel just like this, even when the rest of the day isn’t demanding much and there’s nothing melancholic about my mood at all. “You can’t get there from here.”
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Thanks, Stephanie. I appreciate it!
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If going back to sleep is at all possible, it’s always a good move. Sleep, sunshine, and coffee are my top 3 antidepressants! It’s sad that huge talents like Cornell leave us too soon so often. Hope you’re doing OK.
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Yes, those are my favorite three! I’m doing good, thanks. Just like everyone, I have my moments. Nothing that can’t be overcome.
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black hole? … did you start a new job? love the song choice!
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Still searching for a good fit!
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Nice post! With hope there’s always light despite the darkness.
Miss your posts and playlist! How are you?
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I agree. That’s when the light shines the brightest!
I’m doing well! How are you?
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Little bit jet-lagged but doing great. Thank you!
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This is lovely. I like how you use songs and relate it to life and all its shenanigans 😊. And you listen to a little bit of old numbers ☺️. I hope you see the sun in the midst of the black hole. 🤗
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Thanks so much! Yes… life is full of shenanigans….
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