As I’ve gotten older, I’ve discovered I sometimes bottle up feelings and occasionally need to push the pressure release button. I’d never been like this in the past. I usually was able to power through until the smoke cleared. My wife pinpoints this change in me to my brain surgery. Maybe she’s right.
Before then, I had a high tolerance and couldn’t relate when others blew up. I once had to pull a member on my team aside for an intervention. Every once in a while, I would receive a reply all email. And I do mean ALL. The rants were sometimes incoherent but clearly was fueled by an overwhelming amount of emotion. Most times, the emails were ill advised. I needed to find a way to curb this, mostly for my teammate’s sake.
I can’t help it. I can’t hold it in and if I don’t let it out, I’ll explode. I feel so much better afterwards.
I thought for a moment and came up with a plan.
I get it. You’ve got to let it out. The next time you feel like you’re going to explode, go ahead and write that email but send it only to me first. Don’t hold back. Get it all out. I won’t judge. And then sleep on it. If you still feel strongly about it the next morning, you have my permission to reply all. Just give it a day before you hit send.
This seemed to work and kept the reply all incidences to a minimum. And I laugh when I think about it today. Back then I had no idea why someone had to release the pressure valve because I never felt the need. Now I know first hand.
Embarrassingly enough, my release is shouting. Believe me, it works. I’m not talking about shouting at someone. That’s not cool. I mean the mere act of screaming loud and long until all the air is exhaled from your lungs. I can attest to its effectiveness. I only do this while driving solo in my car. It’s funny how the confines of my car makes me feel like my actions are invisible. I’m sure I’ve caught the attention of fellow motorists mid scream. I’m sure they changed lanes or sped away in fear.
Shouting and screaming. Ridiculous, I know. It does make me think about a few lines from Tears for Fears song Shout.
Shout, shout, let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I’m talking to you, come on
Everybody has their own thing. I’m not proud this is mine. But, hey. You got to do what you got to do to get by. And if an occasional private scream helps, I’m going to go for it. If you’re ever driving in Southern California and you see a guy in the car next to you screaming at the top of his lungs, don’t be alarmed. It’s not road rage. Only me letting some steam out. I promise you I’ll be OK after a few moments.
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Shout, shout, let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I'm talking to you, come on
Shout, shout, let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I'm talking to you, come on
In violent times, you shouldn't have to sell your soul
In black and white, they really, really ought to know
Those one-track minds that took you for a working boy
Kiss them goodbye, you shouldn't have to jump for joy
You shouldn't have to jump for joy
Shout, shout, let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I'm talking to you, come on
They gave you life and in return, you gave them hell
As cold as ice, I hope we live to tell the tale
I hope we live to tell the tale
Shout, shout, let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I'm talking to you
Come on
Shout, shout, let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I'm talking to you
Come on
Shout, shout, let it all out
(Let it all out)
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I'm talking to you
Come on
And when you've taken down your guard
If I could change your mind
I'd really love to break your heart
I'd really love to break your heart
Shout, shout, let it all out
These are the things I can do without
(Break your heart)
Come on
(Really love to break your heart)
I'm talking to you
Come on
Shout, shout, let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I'm talking to you
So come on
Shout, shout, let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I'm talking to you
Come on
(They really, really ought to know)
Shout, shout, let it all out
(They really, really ought to know)
These are the things I can do without
(They really, really)
Come on
I'm talking to you
(They really, really ought to know)
Come on
Shout, shout, let it all out
(I'd really love to break your heart)
These are the things I can do without
(I'd really love to break your heart)
Come on
I'm talking to you
So come on
Shout, shout, let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I'm talking to you
I love the song. My perspective on your method of release is to celebrate! Be proud of finding a healthy way of releasing the tension.
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That is what I was thinking Susan.
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It’s a victimless crime🙂
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Thank you!
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I’ve definitely done my fair share of crying while driving, but I never thought of shouting while driving (except at other drivers). Multi-tasking. I like it!
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I’m guilty of occasionally shouting at other drivers, too!
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Such an iconic song from my favorite era. I love your method of release–mine is to “sing” at the top of my lungs in the car. I’m sure that looks just as weird. Thank goodness no one can hear me because I make Edith Bunker sound like an opera singer. But, it sure feels great…..
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Singing at the top of your lungs sounds better! And thanks for the All in the Family reference. I appreciate it!
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At least you don’t turn to self-medicating. A lot of people do that instead. I think an angry outburst is a healthy thing every so often, but that is just me. Nice post, you have a very conversational writing style.
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Thanks! Ah, there was a time that I would have drank too much. Fortunately, I cut that way back as I got older.
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Love that song. I also shout in my car, or sing really loud. Both work for me.
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Singing sounds more fun!
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Love the song, and to quote Shrek, “Better out than in!” 😂
Great way to deal with your stress.
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Shrek is a wise fellow!
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I think that’s a great way to deal with stress. Shout it out, man. 👍🏼
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Thank you!
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And about those people replying all. I keep rolling my eyes when I see reply all email. I agree with you, give it a day before you reply all.
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