My Gen X Playlist: Bad – U2

I had insomnia last night. I was lying in bed in the dark. Funny how your eyes eventually adapt and the space no longer seems pitch black. I could see the smooth surface of the ceiling. I stared at it wondering what it was thinking.

It was quiet. It got even quieter as the hours progressed. Quiet. Awake. Thinking. You can’t help but let your thoughts take over and needle you a bit.

At one point, I found myself dozing off, but not enough to push me over the edge. A few thoughts entered my head and I was pulled back out of a near dream. I opened my eyes again and saw that same ceiling looking back at me. Silently watching. I still couldn’t read it’s mind. I bet it was wondering if I would eventually fall asleep. I couldn’t escape it’s watchful eye.

As I lay there, I imagined the ceiling as a home movie screen showing 8 mm reels. I’m not sure why, I’ve only seen that type of thing on television. What I didn’t want was that voice in my head to gain control of the movie projector. Three AM thoughts sometimes can be dicey. I grabbed my ear buds, put on a podcast and closed my eyes. No thank you, Mr. Ceiling. Not tonight.

I awoke to the morning sun. It was 6 AM. I was thankful for a few hours of sleep. I looked up at the ceiling in the morning light. It seemed different. It still held its tongue, didn’t utter a word. But I had this odd feeling something changed, like it was congratulating me for persevering through the night. And even though it felt strange that it was giving off this completely different vibe, I didn’t hold it against it. That’s just how some things sometimes go. I’m sure we’ll tangle again some other night when my insomnia makes another house call. I’ll worry about it then. For now, I have more pressing concerns. Like, coffee. Strong. Black. Lots of it. Maybe about a gallon or so. OK, hyperbole. I’ll settle for a Big Gulp sized mug to make it through the morning.

I was researching songs about insomnia and not sleeping. I found a cool one by Letters to Cleo called Awake. The only problem is it broke my cardinal rule of this blog: I have to know the song before I can include it on the playlist. Too bad. It’s a good one.

Instead, I pulled a song from an album of one of my favorite bands growing up. U2 released Wide Awake in America in 1985. It was a four song EP and included Bad, a live performance fan favorite. Although it’s a song about heroin addiction, a few verses tie in to my troubles with insomnia.

I’m wide awake
I’m wide awake, wide awake
I’m not sleeping

And I’m by no means comparing my occasional night’s trouble sleeping to the horrors of drug addiction. My issue pales in comparison. I’m just saying we all have our own demons with different magnitudes. I guess if I put it that way, I’ll consider myself lucky that I only have staring contests with silent ceilings. Even when I don’t win, I’m still rewarded with a cup of coffee in the morning. I really can’t complain…

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For a complete playlist, please click here.

For the Spotify playlist, please click here.

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would let it go
Surrender, dislocate

If I could throw this lifeless lifeline to the wind
Leave this heart of clay, see you walk, walk away
Into the night, and through the rain
Into the half light and through the flame

If I could, through myself, set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away, see you break, break away
Into the light and to the day

Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!

To let it go and so to fade away
To let it go and so fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake, wide awake
I'm not sleeping
Oh no, no, no

If you should ask, then maybe
They'd tell you what I would say
True colours fly in blue and black
Blue silken sky and burning flag
Colours crash, collide in blood-shot eyes

Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!
Hoo, hoo!

If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would let it go

This desperation, dislocation
Separation, condemnation
Revelation, in temptation
Isolation, desolation
Let it go and so fade away
To let it go, oh yeah, and so fade away
To let it go, oh no, and so to fade away

I'm wide awake, I'm wide awake
Wide awake, I'm not sleeping
Oh no, no, no