I transitioned into a new role when I was in my early thirties. Although I felt I earned the new role, there also was a cross sense of imposter syndrome.
People who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are, in fact, generally held. They feel that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think—and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them.
An unseen shadow lingered inside wherever I went. I hid it well, though. Nobody had the slightest idea this hung around my neck.
I guess there are two schools of thought. One, you can fake it until you make it. I decided against this because it didn’t alleviate the stress. In fact, it added to it as I’d forever be waiting for the other shoe to drop.
An alternative option was to double down on preparation. I over prepared for everything, meticulously planning for every potential outcome. While this added additional hours of work, it was my only shield from the feelings of self doubt. Sure, not everything went as planned. Nothing ever does. And when they went awry, I later studied them like case studies to eliminate any repeat performances.
After a few years of self-inflicted pain, the imposter syndrome slowly began to fade. The thing about going all out like that, you wake up to find you know a hell of a lot more than you thought you did. Leaning into the fear and muck became my way of dealing with my self doubt. Probably not the best for my mental health, but not a bad recipe for my career.
All this talk of pretending sent me thinking about The Pretenders. In 1986, they released Don’t Get Me Wrong. What a surprise to learn that Chrissie Hynde wrote the song with tennis star John McEnroe in mind.
Chrissie Hynde wrote the song for tennis star John McEnroe, who was an aspiring musician. “He loved playing guitar,” she told Uncle Joe Benson on the Ultimate Classic Rock Nightsradio show. “He’s a big music person, which is how I knew him, because he used to come to our shows and he was friendly with the band and stuff.”
If you grew up watching McEnroe, you know he never was in short supply of confidence. Quite frankly, he was so arrogant, he was an ass. An entertaining ass, but an ass nonetheless. It makes me wonder if he would have a bout of self doubt if he took center stage to perform a concert? Although part of me never wishes that on anybody, I may make a rare exception for good ‘ol John.
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Don't get me wrong
If I'm looking kind of dazzled
I see neon lights
Whenever you walk by
Don't get me wrong
If you say hello and I take a ride
Upon a sea where the mystic moon
Is playing havoc with the tide
Don't get me wrong
Don't get me wrong
If I'm acting so distracted
I'm thinking about the fireworks
That go off when you smile
Don't get me wrong
If I split like light refracted
I'm only off to wander
Across a moonlit mile
Once in awhile
Two people meet
Seemingly for no reason
They just pass on the street
Suddenly thunder, showers everywhere
Who can explain the thunder and rain
But there's something in the air
Don't get me wrong
If I come and go like fashion
I might be great tomorrow
But hopeless yesterday
Don't get me wrong
If I fall in the 'mode of passion'
It might be unbelievable
But let's not say so long
It might just be fantastic
Don't get me wrong
Now knowing this was written for John McEnroe sheds a whole new light on this song….I’m not sure if that’s good, bad, or indifferent.
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It’s funny how we struggled with imposter syndrome even before we knew what it was hey?!
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Coincidentally listened to John McEnroe on a podcast and he said he was so arrogant that he actually suggested to his wife Patty Smyth that he tour with her and her band. She said, OK and maybe I’ll jump in playing tennis with you at your next tournament. He said that shut him up about his music skills. 🤣
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