My Gen X Playlist: Tears of a Clown – Smokey Robinson and the Miracles

Six months ago, my former health insurance called to let me know that they were reversing a health insurance claim. They initially paid it in full back in 2024 but found a way to determine they no longer were liable. It wasn’t a small sum. It was $8 grand. What in the actual fuck?

I’ve been diligently fighting and appealing the insurance company for the past six months. It got to the point that I was resigned it probably was going to be on my dime. When does an insurance company ever decide to pay if they could find a way to weasel out of it. Never.

As I opened my mail, I nearly fell out of my chair. My appeal had been approved. I had the same response. What in the actual fuck? I had to read it three times. I even walked away and quickly came back to read the decision again. In my head, there was a small chance I was mistaken or the words magically transformed to denied after I let out my sigh of relief. I don’t know why, but I was shocked the ink was still dry and hadn’t changed at all. I wanted to chalk this up as a rare David versus Goliath win. I knew better to call it what it really was – a miracle. And it wasn’t even Christmas. Thank you, God. Much appreciated.

Although I grew up with the English Beat’s 1980s cover, I knew the original was from Smokey Robinson and the Miracles. Tears of a Clown was released back in 1967. One of the cool things about starting this blog, I learn about the backstory of the music. It turns out, this one was about an Italian opera.

Smokey Robinson based this song on the Italian opera Pagliacci, which is about a clown who must make the audience laugh while he weeps behind his makeup because his wife betrayed him. In the last verse, Robinson sings: “Just like Pagliacci did, I try to keep my sadness hid.”

Songfacts

I’ve got to tell you. I’ve sung along to this song hundreds of times and I thought I knew all of the lyrics. I don’t remember any mention of Pagliacci at all. I went to the lyrics and there it was in black and white. I sat there, singing the lyrics in my head and at that part I mumbled through that one line. Thanks blog for setting me straight.

I do find the idea of a clown having to put on a smile to hide his sadness a bit of a bummer. That’s the extreme version of grin and bear it. I imagine my insurance company may be standing in similar clown shoes. They are a billion dollar company and $8 grand is a drop in the bucket for them. Somehow, I still imagine them shedding a tear while writing that appeal decision. Although the letter had the appearance of being positive, I can spot a fake smile from a mile away. While I am relieved that they finally landed on the right decision, I wish they never made me jump through hoops like this in the first place. But I’ll gladly take the win and celebrate this happy ending.

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For a complete playlist, please click here.

For the Spotify playlist, please click here.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah

Now if there's a smile on my face
It's only there trying to fool the public
But when it comes down to fooling you
Now honey, that's quite a different subject

But don't let my glad expression
Give you the wrong impression
Really, I'm sad
Oh, I'm sadder than sad
You're gone and I'm hurtin' so bad
Like a clown I pretend to be glad

Now there's some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The tears of a clown
When there's no one around

Oh yeah, baby

Now if I appear to be carefree
It's only to camouflage my sadness
In order to shield my pride I've tried
To cover this hurt with a show of gladness

But don't let my show convince you
That I've been happy since you
Decided to go
Oh, I need you so
I'm hurt and I want you to know
But for others I put on a show

Oh, there's some sad things known to man
But there ain't too much sadder than
The tears of a clown
When there's no one around, oh yeah

Just like Pagliacci did
I try to keep my sadness hid
Smiling in the public eye
But in my lonely room I cry
The tears of a clown
When there's no one around

Oh yeah, baby

Now if there's a smile on my face
Don't let my glad expression
Give you the wrong impression
Don't let this smile I wear
Make you think that I don't care
Really, I'm sad
Hurtin' so bad