My Gen X Playlist: Perfect – The Smashing Pumpkins

Which relationship has taught you the most about yourself?

There is no bigger learning experience than getting married when you’re set in your ways at almost 40. It can be a difficult pivot when you’re used to doing things a certain way for years. But I learned there has to be give and take in a relationship. And evolution doesn’t stop just because your age passes the half way marker.

Relationships take time and effort. You can’t be stuck in your ways if you want to make it work. A few things that I’ve learned.

1. Sometimes there is an expectation that I just listen. It’s not always an invitation to try to solve the problem.
2. Everybody processes information differently. I shouldn’t expect others to process information the same way as me.
3. Sometimes facts don’t matter. Feelings get equal consideration.
4. I learned what mansplaining is. I also learned it’s not a good thing. Interestingly enough, my wife hasn’t called me out on it. I assumed I probably do this and I’m trying to be conscious of it.
5. I don’t always have to be right. It doesn’t have to be a battle of wills.
6. A couple working towards similar goals can be exponentially more powerful than two people walking alone.

I’m not batting anywhere near 100% on any of the items above. Far from it. I slip here and there. Thankfully, there’s no expectation to be perfect. I just need to make a conscious effort to be open and be better.

I thought about the Smashing Pumpkins song Perfect. I assumed it was a love song about a perfect relationship. Turns out, it’s not. Here are comments from the Reddit thread: What does Perfect remind you of?

reminds me of my wife and I from before we got married. It’s like an honest promise we couldn’t keep, not because of malice but because of naivety.

Reddit comment by MecaninjaToo

Feels like loving something so much even when it didn’t work out but hoping maybe tomorrow there’d be a chance things could be different.

Reddit comment by Sunshiney-Daydream

reminds me of my ex, we had a hard relationship.

“next time we’ll be perfect…”

we always tried so hard to make it work. i always interpreted this line as a promise, and after we broke up now i listen to it as if its unfulfilled

Reddit comment from _muffinsss_

Relationships are definitely hard work, but well worth the effort.

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For a complete playlist, please click here.

For the Spotify playlist, please click here.

Perfect
Perfect

I know we're just like old friends
We just can't pretend
That lovers make amends

We are reasons so unreal
We can't help but feel
That something has been lost

But please, you know you're just like me
Next time (Time), I promise we'll be

Perfect
Perfect
Perfect strangers down the line
Lovers out of time
Memories unwind

So far, I still know who you are
But now (Now), I wonder who I was

Angel, you know it's not the end
We'll always be good friends
The letters have been sent on

So please, you always were so free
You'll see (See), I promise we'll be

Perfect
Perfect strangers when we meet
Strangers on the street
Lovers while we sleep

Perfect, you know this has to be
We always were so free
We promised that we'd be
Perfect
Perfect
Perfect