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My Gen X Playlist: You Oughta Know – Alanis Morisette

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For a while, you couldn’t go two seconds without seeing the former Astronomer CEO all over the news. Who gets caught cheating on a kiss-cam? You can’t write a better script for TV.

I later learned he lived not too far from where the Coldplay concert took place. Pretty brazen to be cheating in public in your own backyard.

A friend of a friend works in the same industry and met him on occasion. Rumor has it, he is a serial cheater. But you know how friend of a friend stories go. That’s all hearsay, so I take it with a grain of salt. Who knows what is fact and fiction these days.

I just learned my nephew was at the concert. Of course at the time, he didn’t know the magnitude of the couple on the big screen. Nobody did. How could Chris Martin have even known?

My brother in law made a joke that this incident may change the cheater’s playbook. Next time a cheater finds himself on the jumbo-tron, he should just smile and wave. The camera will eventually pan past him and move on to the next couple and most wouldn’t be the wiser. All this ruckus may have been avoided had they not deployed the OMG, duck and cover tactic.

I know I shouldn’t feel bad the guy, but a very tiny part of me does. No, I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve all that he has coming to him. I get it. He cheated. I don’t condone that. But I can’t imagine being ridiculed by the entire world and being subject to the intense internet exposure. That’s a pretty big spotlight. I’m sure his wife doesn’t feel sympathy for him, though. I can’t imagine the hurt and anger. OK, that millisecond of feeling bad for the guy has passed. Maybe the punishment fits the crime.

When I first heard Alanis Morisette’s You Oughta Know, I knew she was angry. You could just feel it thorough your car speakers. Of course, I never looked deeper into the story. Apparently it was about her relationship with Dave Coulier, who played Joey on Full House.

In a 2008 interview with the Calgary Herald, Coulier claimed the song is about their rocky former relationship. The actor/comedian said that he first heard the track when he was driving. “I said, ‘Wow, this girl is angry.’ And then I said, ‘Oh man, I think it’s Alanis,'” Coulier revealed. “I listened to the song over and over again, and I said, ‘I think I have really hurt this person.’ I tried to contact her and I finally got a hold of her. And at the same time, the press was calling and saying, ‘You want to comment on this song?’ I called her and I said, ‘Hi. Uh, what do you want me to say?’ And she said, ‘You can say whatever you want.’ We saw each other and hung out for an entire day. And it was beautiful. It was one of those things where it was kind of like, ‘We’re good.'”

Songfacts

Well, maybe Morisette can forgive and forget. I’m not so sure about the CEO’s wife and family. I can’t imagine being blindsided like that and dragged into this mess as the world watches. Thankfully, it’s calmed down in the news cycle. The odd thing is, I know eventually the dude is going to be alright. People have short memories and I’m sure in a few years he’ll be a CEO of another company. When I say people, of course that’s not all people, his wife excluded. Even if she takes him to the cleaners in the divorce settlement, that still may not be enough.

–

For a complete playlist, please click here.

For the Spotify playlist, please click here.

I want you to know, that I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for you both
An older version of me
Is she perverted like me?
Would she go down on you in a theatre?
Does she speak eloquently?
And would she have your baby?
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me
You'd hold me until you died?
'Til you died, but you're still alive

And I'm here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me, Mr. Duplicity?
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?

'Cause the love that you gave that we made
Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me
You'd hold me until you died?
'Til you died, but you're still alive

And I'm here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade, as soon as you close your eyes
And you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it
Well, can you feel it?

Well, I'm here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

Why I'm here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know

25 thoughts on “My Gen X Playlist: You Oughta Know – Alanis Morisette”

  2. I probably paid way too much attention to the “astronomer kiss cam” story. But you’re absolutely right. If they had played it cool, the story certainly would not have gone viral. Maybe some locals would’ve noticed them. Maybe he would’ve gotten caught cheating, but it certainly would’ve become a national joke.

    It’s hard to be spontaneous in the moment, but I always like the “hiding in plain sight“ idea. I remember the 1993 movie The Fugitive . Right after Harrison Ford’s Richard Kimble dyed his hair and shaves his beard, he’s approached by a cop who shows him a sketch, of Kimble himself, and says “have you seen this man?”

    Kimball‘s response is “yeah. Every time I look in the mirror… You know, except for the beard”.

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  3. That’s right, they needed to play it cool. I still think that his wife knew he was cheating. Women can sense of any suspicious activities their men do. She probably was cool about. Except now it’s public.

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  4. As a betrayed partner, I will comment this. I feel no sympathy for either of them. I agree hiding in plain sight would have been a better strategy than the ducking and diving. However, he showed his true colours when he immediately only looked out for himself.

    And I was madly in love with the father of my children for 31 years.

    And did not know he was cheating. Even if I did, and for some reason (money strings to mind in this case) chose to stay, it wouldn’t have been because I was happy and accepting that he was a cheater. She may or may not have known. I didn’t. Don’t assume. And don’t shame betrayed wives for being stupid for not knowing either.

    Alanis’ lyrics perfectly express the anger at the lies.

    After all, we were promised their love forever.

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      1. Same, GenX.

        Sorry, I wasn’t directing that comment at you, rather at Carolina Mom. I admit I always thought I would know, too.

        I didn’t.

        And I was so ashamed.

        But some cheaters are incredible liars. He still told me every day that he loved me. Regularly that he was lucky to have found me, yada, yada. He was good. None of our friends knew. Not even his best mate.

        Still feel dumb for not knowing though!

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      2. I’m sorry to hear that! I hope you have moved on and living happily now.
        I’m not a therapist or anything, but I’ve helped a lot of friends through tough situations. I talked to three different friends about their relationship struggles, and all of them said they knew their partners were cheating. One ended up getting a divorce, another is still married but secretly dating someone else, and the third is staying with her husband for the kids. None of them are actually happy.

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      3. and this isn’t just something women go through—men face the same struggles too. Women aren’t perfect either; everyone can make mistakes in relationships. We are human and we are just not perfect.

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      5. No need to apologize. I understand this is a sensitive subject, especially for those who went through it. I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself – like you said, some people are good at deceiving others.

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    1. I know people who’ve made unwise decisions that they regret and now are living with the consequences. I think there are different degrees in reactions, mostly depending upon how close you are to the hurt spouse. Or, if there has been personal history that you can relate to. Either way it’s a mess and it’s difficult when you are caught in the middle. I’ve recently been caught in the middle of a situation and sometimes it’s more than I wish to handle.

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      1. I’m sorry. It sucks being in the middle of other people’s emotional dramas, trying to figure out what to say, etc. This is gonna sound weird, but don’t forget you have ChatGPT. I swear, if you type in a nuanced problem or situation, she responds like a real therapist. Very supportive and some good ideas.

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      2. Really now. That sounds interesting. Someone should start up a Dear Abby column and give AI advice! I think I may run through a couple test cases. I’m interested in the response.

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  6. Alanis ‘n Dave Coulier?! I did not know lol!!
    Yeah i mean i feel a tad bit sad for the jumbotron thing too like holy cow, really unfortunate it turned into such a huge and public deal…although i have to say i was loving the memes lol

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  8. I could never picture Dave Coulier and Alanis Morissette as a couple. Plus, there was a pretty big age gap — which feels a little ick. Have you seen the Alanis Morissette documentary? It was really good. Also, there’s a new Alanis Morissette and Carly Simon song out — their version of Coming Around Again. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet, but it’s definitely growing on me.

    That had nothing to do with the post….🤣

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  9. Thank you for your thoughts, CM.

    I just want to very gently say that telling someone who has been traumatised by betrayal (betrayal trauma is incredibly debilitating, you become someone you cannot recognise) to move on is not helpful.

    I have worked INCREDIBLY hard to recover from events that caused me – a sensible, 50 something, well-educated mother and manager – to self harm to avoid unaliving myself. I would NEVER have thought that was possible until the agony of what my love chose hit.

    I know people who knew about a partner cheating.

    And quite a few like me, who didn’t have a clue and were completely blindsided.

    My ex has recently separated from the woman with whom he cheated.

    And repartnered almost “the next day.” I get who he really must be. He masked that from everyone for 31 years.

    I don’t think you move on. I believe you move through, weaving the pain into your story. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy means you realise you can’t ever shrink the pile of 💩 but you can pack lots of lovely things around it.

    I don’t believe in healed anymore, seven years later. But I do believe in healing.

    It’s a journey. Not a destination.

    Thanks for coming to my TedTalk 😂

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  10. We should all be able to reach the catharsis Alanis must have with that song! Much easier to forgive when it redefines and rescales your life! hah

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