We were sad to hear the news that our friends split up. They were together for over 15 years and now are single in their mid fifties. It must be difficult separating from a long term relationship and jumping back into the singles pool.
They never married, which may have been a good thing. Both are good people with aligned core values. In many ways where they differed, it seemed a nice counter balance to each other. The one area they differed that caused a lot of strife was their views on finances. That’s a tough one to overcome.
He was overly cautious with money while she was a free spirit. Over the years, though, they both converged towards the middle to make it work and became less extreme. I think the chasm was still too wide that it became one of the reasons that ended their relationship. That’s too bad.
In this situation, there really isn’t anyone to blame. They didn’t mesh in this one critical area. I read that 30% of relationships end due to finances. That number seems pretty high, but I don’t doubt that’s it’s true.
I remember before I got married, my brother in law pulled me aside and gave me the third degree. How much debt did I have? How stable was my job? Where was my career going? What were my views on finances. I was a little caught off guard, but I get it. He was just being protective of family. I never held that against him.
Even though our friends are in their mid-fifties, they still have a lot of life to live. Fifties are the new thirties, right? I hope they throw themselves back out there and find other partners. There’s still a lot of time left on the game clock and it’s too early to throw in the towel.
I did a search of 80’s break up songs and was reunited with Soft Cell’s Tainted Love. I was surprised to learn that this was a cover song.
This is a cover of a 1964 song by the American soul singer Gloria Jones, whose original version was released as the B-side of her single “My Bad Boy’s Comin’ Home.”
Gloria Jones has said that she considers the Soft Cell version to be the best one. “I loved the emotion in his voice,” she said. “Their version was far better than mine.”
The song is about a toxic relationship, with the singer realizing he’s got to leave it. “I love you though you hurt me so,” he sings, as he struggles to move on.
I’m not sure if I’d consider our friend’s relationship as tainted. That might be pushing the envelope a little too far. The sad part of a breakup is when the two still love each other but walking away seems to be the best solution.
I love you though you hurt me so
That line does seem to fit them and hits home. They’ve got another thirty years of life ahead of them. I’m rooting they find their next great love.
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Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away, I've got to
Get away
From the pain you drive into the heart of me
The love we share (whoa, oh, oh, oh)
Seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my light
For I toss and turn, I can't sleep at night
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now, I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears, and that's not nearly all
Tainted love (whoa, oh, oh, oh)
Tainted love
Now, I know I've got to
Run away, I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you think love is to pray
But I'm sorry, I don't pray that way
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now, I'll run from you
Too bad about the relationship but (as I say), it wasn’t meant to be. Love this song!
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It was sad to hear. Maybe for the best.
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I have this thing where I’m like is it sad actually? I think staying in an unhappy relationship is more sad.
I suppose the end of something that wasn’t supposed to end can be sad.
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That’s a good point. Better to be free to find someone that can make them happy.
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This version of tainted love happens to be one of my all-time favorite songs.
I’m sorry to hear about your friends. Trust me, I i know what it’s like to be in your 50s and single.
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I listened to the original version for the first time. Not bad, but I still enjoyed this version better.
Sounds like your internal work is paying off. Wishing you the best with your current girlfriend.
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Thanks! Yeah, things are going really well with us so far!
Yeah, I definitely prefer the Soft Cell version of this song. Even the Marilyn Manson version doesn’t do much for me.
The funny thing about Soft Cell is if you’ve ever listened to ANY of their other music. It is nothing like the it “tainted love” cover.
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Holy crap. Marilyn Manson had a cover. I can only imagine his version in my head. I may not even look it up because the version in my head is probably spot on!
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Yeah, I would say it sounds very much like what you would probably expect a Marilyn Manson cover of “tainted love” to sound like. It’s not too crazy, but it definitely sounds like him.
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That’s too bad. Even though they’re only in their 50s, navigating the world of dating apps with “embellished” profiles with 15yo pix might be daunting. I listen sometimes to Dave Ramsey and it seems differences in handling $ is one of the biggest causes for splitting, as you mentioned. Great song choice! And good luck to your friends 😎🙏
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15 year old photos could be recipe for an awkward first meeting. But if both are playing that same game, maybe not too embarrassing.
I discovered Dave Ramsey about 15 years ago. Good advice in general. Some of it a bit extreme, but I think sometimes needed to get traction in the right direction.
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Your attitude about the whole thing is heartening. Most of the time when friends split up, sides are taken and a wide view is absent. I have a few friends (sadly, one recently deceased in her early 80s) who found great new loves later in life, but some of us don’t quite have the energy for the exploration we had in earlier days. 🙂 Either way, life is full of adventures.
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We were lucky. We didn’t feel like we had to take sides on this one. She is my wife’s good friend so that’s where the stronger connection is. But we don’t feel any ill will towards him.
Now another close couple that split a year ago… we were forced to take sides. Uncomfortable as hell. I don’t enjoy being caught in the crossfire or being in the middle… yikes!
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Such a great 80s classic for the playlist. I always loved the CLAP CLAPs before “run away”. I had no idea it was a cover!
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I had no idea either. I listened to the original, not bad. But this will always be my original version to me! Love the clap! (That didn’t sound right… lol)
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lol! 😉
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That’s sad to hear about the breakup. I understand how different views on money can strain a relationship.
Love this song! Every time I hear it, I am reminded of a quirky movie from 2002 called Cherish. It’s about a young woman who is falsely accused of a crime and sentenced to house arrest. She wears an ankle monitor while she roller skates to 80’s music around her flat in an industrial bldg.
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That does sound quirky!!! And interesting. I may have to look it up. Good soundtrack?
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Yes, great soundtrack from the 80’s!
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I’m sorry to hear about your friends. Finances can be such a big source of stress and conflict in a relationship. I’m not surprised at the 30% split up rate due to finances. I hope they both find peace as they move forward. I used to love Tainted Love. A very catch tune!
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I’m not sure if most people consider compatible views of finances before marriage. I guess that’s being too pragmatic and less romantic!
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I believe they should! But I don’t think many do.
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❤️
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Breakups in later life terrify me. If Mrs ForTheDeaf and I ever went that way what would I do with all these records? We have to stay together for the music!
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Yes! I agree!
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Our next door neighbors/friends/dogwatchers split after twenty one years. Sold the house, on with life, I wish them the best. I think this song also includes some of Where Did Your Heart Go by the Supremes. You can’t do better than Diana Ross in the video version from the 1964 T.A.M.I. Show in Santa Monica. Performed and recorded 100% live. Knocks my socks off.
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Sad to hear about your neighbors. 21 years is a long time. But maybe be better to go their separate ways rather than stay together out of convenience.
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This song often appears on one of my playlists 😊, a 1981 classic! Marc Almond and Dave Ball, who died in his sleep last October! Apparently their final album is still scheduled for release this September!
Regarding your friends My Dad, god rest his soul always told me “when poverty comes in the door, love flies out of the window” so make sure you are both on the same page when handling money!
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Your dad is a wise man. Life is difficult enough. The added stress of finances will push you over the edge
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Best wishes to your friends.
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